For being ineffective and prolific. How ironic.

We have no doubt that your labors will succeed in producing many pieces of paper.

Millions dead, and, of course, you had nothing to do with it.

For cracking the whip at the Third World Plantation. Don’t let them get out of line.

For abuse of the intellect through cross-burning racial crusades. Congratulations on your tenure.

The application of Nihilism to sexuality and subornation of others to do likewise is not a political statement of Substance. Your pointless flamboyance serves neither to enlighten nor to liberate, but only to treat onanism as if it were socially constructive.

Homely, prolific, and salacious… if only you had ten inches of sense.

For intense Hubris and being intensely humorous.

If it’s sensible . . . it must be “Western bookish,” and therefore wrong. Right?

Driven by vain aspirations to rise, your soul is empty, we therefore surmise.